It would be great if a government shutdown was like a snowday for adults, where suddenly you have all this extra freedom. It would also be great if pirate ships were just laying around, waiting to be stolen. Sadly, neither of those things are the case.
It should also be noted that Ted has been doing a great many other illegal things this week, but he just didn't have time to mention them all. Some of these include:
- Hanging out in parks after dusk
- Destroying currency
- Smuggling fish embryos into other countries
- Libel. Lots and lots of libel.